Wonder

Today was my first day to visit Timothy by myself. Up til today, I'd always gone with Paul or one of the grandparents, and I was a little nervous about how it would go. Would I be able to handle the nursing and the Kangaroo Care with just my two little hands? I'd always had the option of help before. Would I hit one of my emotional lows and need someone to talk me out of it and they not be there? I just didn't know how it would go. But, I'm not nervous anymore.
You see, I haven't been good about reading my Bible these past few weeks. I blame it on recovering from the c-section and being tired and worried. But in reality, I just let those things get in the way. In all my life, this was the time I should have been reading my Bible the most. So, I took my Bible with me so that I could read it during the quiet times.
I got there and changed his diaper and we started nursing and he did so well! After about 20 minutes, he got tired, so we turned on the gavage feeding and, somehow, I managed to get us settled in for Kangaroo Care. He was all snuggled up against me, skin to skin, and I pulled out my Bible and started reading Psalms out loud. And for the 30 minutes that I read aloud, his numbers were great. He didn't desat one time and his heart and respiratory rates stayed right where they should be. He slept while I read, but every time I finished a psalm, he would open one eye and look up at me until I started reading the next. And then he would close his eyes and snuggle back up and sleep.
It was one of the most amazing and wondrous things I have ever witnessed.

Dear Timothy

Dear Timothy,

You were born today.

You are 4 lbs, 3oz.

You are 17.5 inches long.

You were born at 12:14 pm.

Your daddy said you look like a red-headed spider monkey. I'm not sure if that's accurate or not. I've only seen a little bit of your face and touched your hand.

You were born 9 weeks early. We don't know why you came so early, but we know God is watching out for you and we are trying not to worry too much.

You were born via emergency c-section, which is about as opposite to the birth we'd planned as you can imagine. We'd planned to have you born at a birthing center under the care of a midwife. Considering the circumstances, though, this turned out remarkably well. Dr. Noble is a great doctor and he took very good care of us both throughout the surgery.

We went to bed last night with no indication, no idea, of how things were about to change. Nothing was different about yesterday; you moved around as usual (although, you weren't quite as active as you could have been). I felt fine all day; tired, but fine, and went through my day as usual - I hung out with the J Brothers all day and then went to the chiropractor and then on home to spend time with your Daddy before bed. We went to bed around 10, read our Bible, said our prayers and you kicked around until I drifted off to sleep.

At 12:30, my water broke, and as this was a completely unexpected occurrence, the midwife told us to go to the hospital. Within 15 minutes, we were flying down the highway at not-quite-break-neck speed. I called Cousin Brooke, Grandma and Grandpa, and Marme and Pop, and we all started praying. Daddy and I prayed in the car, too. I wasn't in any pain, though I believe I was having really minor contractions. I mostly just felt uncomfortable and scared. We didn't talk much, but we held hands and prayed. At one point, we passed two police cruisers (and Daddy must have been going at least 20 over the speed limit), but they just continued on their merry way. Your Daddy said "the one time I WANT to be pulled over, nothing! I could have used a police escort!", which made me smile. Life is so contrary, sometimes!

Once at the hospital, they confirmed that my water had broken and tried to stop labor and get the water to replenish itself, but you were in distress and so we made the decision to have a c-section. It wasn't at all what we wanted, but we know it was the right decision to make. We were both so scared!

Our biggest fear for you was that your lungs would not be developed enough, but you put that fear to rest as soon as Dr. Noble pulled you out. You let out the biggest and most beautiful cry. You were MAD! It was a wonderful sound. As they cleaned you up, the nurses kept exclaiming about all of your beautiful red hair. I was glad it was red, but I wish I could have seen it! They wrapped you up and put a c-pap machine on you and bundled you into an incubator and hurried you out of the room. I got to see your cheek from far away for about 5 seconds.

It has been an exhausting day. You aren't even 24 hours old yet, but you are already so loved. Marme and Pop came up, as did Aunt Birdie and Uncle Parker and Bryce and Terri.

Ever since we got in the car to race to the hospital, I've been praying. I kept trying to think of Bible verses that would comfort and calm us, but mostly I drew blanks (which I think means I need to study more so that I will have verses ready for the next crisis, but that's another post). I did manage to think of two, though.

Matthew 1:21 - And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.

At the time, I thought it was kind of an odd verse to think about, but it did provide comfort. The comfort is in the knowledge that God kept His promise about Jesus, so I know he'll keep his promise about caring for us. It was another passage, however, that really helped the most.

Psalm 24:1 - The earth is the LORD's, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein.

What a comfort that was to me! Such a simple idea, but so full of promise and comfort and encouragement. I am the Lord's. He will take care of me. Of course, it made me think of one of my favorite hymns:

We Will Glorify

We will glorify the King of kings;
We will glorify the Lamb;
We will glorify the Lord of lords;
Who is the great I AM.

Lord Jehovah reigns in majesty;
We will bow before His throne;
We will worship Him in righteousness;
We will worship Him alone.

He is Lord of heaven, Lord of earth;
He is Lord of all who live;
He is Lord of all the universe;
All praise to Him we give.

Hallelujah! to the King of kings;
Hallelujah! to the Lamb;
Hallelujah! to the Lord of lords;
Who is the great I AM.

This song has been stuck in my head all day and had really helped to focus my thoughts and emotions and to know that God is in control of this entire situation.

I don't know what's in store for you, baby. I do know that you have a lot to learn before you can come home, and it won't be easy. I also know that Daddy and I love you so very much and we will be with you the entire time. And, most importantly, God will be with you.

Love,
Mama